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So…

I gave United Airlines the time to respond to my complaint. They said they need 5 days. It’s been 8.

I gave the TSA time to respond as well.  They have emailed me and told me I was missing some information from a form I sent, I e-mailed my point of contact at the TSA back, she directly emailed me back, and I got her the information necessary.  I directly spoke with someone representing this GOVERNMENT AGENCY regarding a claim I filed.  I’m impressed, honestly my money was on United, being a corporation that would seemingly value its customers opinion, to be in touch first.

Recap.

Submitted:
-1 United Customer Complaint via website. (5 Day response time was the auto-reply I received form United on this.  It’s been 8 days.)

-1 United Lost/Stolen Goods Claim (30-60 Day response time, United has acknowledge they have received my claim, and below is the transcript of that debacle)

-1 TSA Lost/Stolen Goods Claim (30-60 Day responce time, A government agency got in touch with me and had me send them supplemental signatures for the form.  Impressive, and they are now working on this claim.)

So far, the United has sent me an automated email, as seen below, acknowledging my claim submission:

Thank you for completing your Missing Property Questionnaire which we received in our Claims office on October 27, 2009.

Your claim is being forwarded to a Claim Representative for resolution. You will be notified by the Claim Representative upon conclusion of your claim.  Our commitment is to conclude your claim within 60 days of receipt of your written claim.

At anytime throughout this process you can always check the status of your claim by going to www.united.com/bagtrack. For additional inquiries, we can also be reached via email at web-baggage@united.com.

Please accept our sincere apology for the inconvenience you are experiencing and we thank you for your patience during this process.

Yours Sincerely,

United Airlines Central Baggage Services

My Reply:

To Whom It May Concern:

Can someone inform me what is being done for my claim?  I do not have delayed or missing baggage, but missing/stolen contents from my baggage.  I’m just curious as to the steps being taken and approximately how long it takes to recieve an outcome of this.

I’ve contacted United twice a day since the time I found my items missing on 10/24, and I’m yet to hear back in any way from United.

Thank you for contacting United Airlines.  We sincerely apologize for
the inconvenience we have caused and please know that we are working
diligently behind the scenes to resolve your issue. To help explain our
next steps, below you will find an outline of our handling process for
situations related to Delayed and Damaged Bags.

If your situation is regarding a delayed bag after 72 hours of travel,
we will need to begin our formal tracing process. In order to begin the
process, please complete the Baggage Tracing/Claim Form available online
at united.com/baggage. The detailed information you provide on this
form, in hand with the industry wide baggage tracing system United
subscribes to, will be used to help us locate your property.  Once we
receive your Baggage Tracing Claim Form, we will have our internal
Tracers look for your property.  Once your property is located, we will
contact you and expedite its delivery to you.

If our tracing efforts are unsuccessful, your claim will be forwarded to
a Claim Representative for resolution.  You will be notified by the
Claim Representative upon conclusion of your claim.  Our commitment is
to conclude your claim within 60 days of receipt of your written claim.

If you are contacting us regarding authorized expenses you incurred due
to the temporary delay of your property, please fax your Baggage Tracing
Claim Form and your receipts to 847-700-5381. Once we receive your
information, we will review and conclude your claim within 60 days of
receipt of your written claim.

If you are contacting us to report damaged property, please be advised
that all damaged bags need to be assessed by the airport to determine
the level of damage.  The claim must be reported, in person, to the
United Airlines Baggage Service Office at your nearest airport.  Damage
reports must be filed within 24 hours of receiving your bag for Domestic
and 7 days for International travel.

At anytime throughout this process you can always check the status of
your claim by going to www.united.com/bagtrack. For additional
inquiries, we can also be reached via email at web-baggage@united.com.

Please accept our sincere apology for the inconvenience you are
experiencing and we thank you for your patience during this process.

We value your business.  Thank you for choosing United.

This isn’t what I asked… is there a human being that can reply to this besides the canned form letter?

I want someone to inform me what is being done for my claim?  I do not have delayed or missing baggage, but missing/stolen contents from my baggage.  I want to know what is being done, and how long circumstances like this take to resolve.

I’ve contacted United twice a day since the time I found my items missing on 10/24, and I’m yet to hear back in any way from a United representative.

Please respond addressing my concerns.

Thank you for contacting United Airlines.  We sincerely apologize for
the inconvenience we have caused and please know that we are working
diligently behind the scenes to resolve your issue. To help explain our
next steps, below you will find an outline of our handling process for
situations related to Delayed and Damaged Bags.

If your situation is regarding a delayed bag after 72 hours of travel,
we will need to begin our formal tracing process. In order to begin the
process, please complete the Baggage Tracing/Claim Form available online
at united.com/baggage. The detailed information you provide on this
form, in hand with the industry wide baggage tracing system United
subscribes to, will be used to help us locate your property.  Once we
receive your Baggage Tracing Claim Form, we will have our internal
Tracers look for your property.  Once your property is located, we will
contact you and expedite its delivery to you.

If our tracing efforts are unsuccessful, your claim will be forwarded to
a Claim Representative for resolution.  You will be notified by the
Claim Representative upon conclusion of your claim.  Our commitment is
to conclude your claim within 60 days of receipt of your written claim.

If you are contacting us regarding authorized expenses you incurred due
to the temporary delay of your property, please fax your Baggage Tracing
Claim Form and your receipts to 847-700-5381. Once we receive your
information, we will review and conclude your claim within 60 days of
receipt of your written claim.

If you are contacting us to report damaged property, please be advised
that all damaged bags need to be assessed by the airport to determine
the level of damage.  The claim must be reported, in person, to the
United Airlines Baggage Service Office at your nearest airport.  Damage
reports must be filed within 24 hours of receiving your bag for Domestic
and 7 days for International travel.

At anytime throughout this process you can always check the status of
your claim by going to www.united.com/bagtrack. For additional
inquiries, we can also be reached via email at web-baggage@united.com.

Please accept our sincere apology for the inconvenience you are
experiencing and we thank you for your patience during this process.

We value your business.  Thank you for choosing United.

Well, just to let it be known, this post was coming one way or another- regardless if United or the TSA or someone stole about $1000 worth of stuff from my checked luggage. Outside of that, I thought I’d outline an experience I had with one of their “Airline Attendants”

So, I’m no expert traveller- but I’m not stupid either. I realized as I was going to be leaving Denver and flying home, I had the opportunity to bring an additional bag on the plane with me. Terrific.
I’ll pack all the shit I bought in Colorado in my checked luggage, and bring a sack of dirty laundry in a laundry bag on the plane. Perfect.
So I pick up this laundry bag and load it up. It’s a mess, sure, but who cares. It was small, ugly, and it worked. Who cares, it’s going over my head in a closed compartment.

As I bring it to the back of the plane where I was seating… the airline attendant, god damn I wish I had her name, looks to me… and says…
“My, what a nice bag.”
I looked at her like she was joking- as anyone would at this abysmal excuse for luggage. It was almost a garbage bag, but had a tie ontop- you know- it was a army type laundry bag thing. Come on.
When I look up- she has this… appalled face on her- as if this bag offended her and her flight. Remembering her face right now really musters up the urge I had to rip open the bag and dump dirty laundry on this woman., but being classy as I am, I restrained.

So I look to her and say, “Yea, Thanks.” in a quite sarcastic tone. Clearly this bag isn’t nice or appealing- but it worked. As I stand in my seat, I go to open the overhead bin above me…

This power-hungry, elitist bag criticizing, hideous, likely European born woman SLAMS the overhead bin closed in my face as I try to open it.

“It’s closed for a reason.” She tells me…
“Why would that be?” I said…
“It’s full.” She tells me.

Clearly it wasn’t, but I knew this woman just didn’t like me for some reason. Must have been my bag.

So, I walk up… I don’t know… 4 rows of seats and go to put it in that very open, very empty overhead bin.

This poor excuse for a customer service agent of the airline just had to come over and tell me how I put the bag in wrong, and readjusted it… seemingly just putting her hand on it and tussling it around a bit- effectively doing nothing to it.

I sigh and walk away from this beastly rude woman, and take my seat.

Hoping I don’t have to deal with this woman again… I slip into reading and music. Terrific.

Here comes United’s cart down the aisle, banging into everyones seat, this woman at the helm. Luckily, before she got to me, another attendant asked if I wanted anything to drink. I kicked back on a fine Shiraz to my face, and enjoyed knowing I wouldn’t have to deal with the woman who seemingly hates me.

As the food cart comes by, a good 30 min later, I’m thinking I didn’t eat anything today… maybe some… pretzels or something would work. The woman who hates me makes her way to my chair… I sit up and ask her…

“Do you have any pretzels on there or anything?” A valid question, since this woman just screams out “Salads, Sandwiches… $7 and $9 Dollars.” the entire time…

She reaches down and pulls out the lays equivalent of the fucking Pringles can- I think they are called Stax or something. A whole fucking Pringles can sized thing this woman hands me.

“$4″ she tells me.

I sat there looking at her hand as she held it facing me and looked up at her…

“You don’t have any pretzels, like I asked for? Peanuts? Anything?”

“Nothing is free, sir” She tells me.

“I don’t expect it to be free, I just don’t want that. I want pretzels or something the size a normal person would eat.” I tell her.

She scoffs at me and asks… “Did you think this food was free?” And rolls her cart away, laughing.

Laughing.

At me.

I honestly didn’t even get mad at this. I didn’t know what to think. I still don’t know what to think about this woman besides whoever she is married to has to be a sorry son of a bitch, and likely hates his life on the days she isn’t in the air providing poor customer service, being a bitch, and smelling like an eastern block kitchen.

That all being said, the customer service on the United flight sucked.
After that sucked and I shook it off, I believe some other United employee stole about $1000 worth of shit from my checked luggage.
THANKS UNITED!

Tonight I flew back form Denver into Philadelphia on United Airlines Flight 70.
“Ted”, as they seemingly refer to United these days… cause it’s more hip and new.
“Ted” Stinks.
I don’t want to get into it now because I just wrote this entire statement below and I’m still furious.
I plan on logging all interactions with United Airlines regarding the below matter here on my website for a record of people with similar situation to see how it works and how to deal with them.  I truly hope this never happens to anyone- I rarely get this upset.  Outside of the monetary value of the things that were taken from me, I feel violated and used- which is something noone should ever feel.
I foresee a long stretch of these type of posts.  I will keep up with @UnitedAirlines on twitter as well…  I already sent them some messages in the heat of realizing my things were stolen, only because I could find their twitter page, follow them, and comment faster than I could get someone on the phone to talk to.

Man, I’m pissed.

Below is the Customer Relations form I just submitted. I’ll go on into more detail later but… this is where it is for tonight.

This is Day 1 of dealing with United Airlines.

My primary reason for filing this Customer Relations document is for stolen/lost goods from my checked baggage. My experience earlier tonight with rude in-flight staff also bothered me, but not enough to merit this type of formal complaint- that’s something I keep for online blogging.

This is for stolen goods.

Upon arrival of my baggage claim area, I waited diligently for 30 minutes for my flights baggage to arrive. As it came around the carousel, I noticed it was clearly tampered with. The zippers were completely opened on the front two pockets, and the side zippers were not in the location I placed them. Upon taking the bag off the carousel, I saw no sign of TSA inspection- but my bag was noticeably lighter.

I immediately took the bag to the side for further inspection and as soon as I opened it I knew someone went through it. I immediately noticed 2 of my jackets missing which were packed ontop and a bottle of wine was gone. I was and remain furious that this happened to me- but I calmly went to the United Baggage Area to discuss my issue. This is all before I realized what else was missing.

The woman behind the counter I was told was having a bad night from the baggage handler who was removing things from the carousel earlier. I’m still not sure what relevance that had to my situation, but she attempted to help in the way that a robotic agent of baggage service would. She pointed to the TSA, said it was probably them, and heres the form. I then spoke to the TSA and they said that they did not inspect my bag in question.

If the TSA did not inspect my bag, the only other hands responsible for this in my mind is United. I trusted United to get my body from Denver to Philadelphia in one piece, this they did. Apparently that took the entire focus of United, because somewhere between point A and B, my personal items were rummaged through, picked over, and now, not in my possession anymore. Some of these items are one of a kind, not made any more pieces, sentimental value pieces, medications, toiletries,and gifts for family. I have nothing to show for my trip to my friends and family now but an awful story about how United is responsible for “losing” probably around $1000 of items that were tucked away inside my checked baggage.

Every item I purchased from the places I visited were inside my checked bag, as well as 2 of my favorite jackets and other miscellaneous items. Outside of the material value of these items, I feel violated and robbed.

When I asked if there was something United could do to check with the baggage people to see if maybe they “found” something around the baggage area, I was told “We don’t do that.” When I asked if there was any way I could talk to someone down in the baggage area, I was met with “We don’t do that.”

I’m honestly trying to keep an open mind about this scenario, but please understand this is not easy. I’m still infuriated as I write this, and as I started to do an inventory of things missing for the claim form, I stopped midway through to make yet another time-wasting phone call to United to see if maybe they could help me. Sure enough, “We don’t do that.”

Maybe someone from United can tell me what you can do? Can you talk to whoever was on shift unloading my bags from the plane? Can you find out who is responsible for baggage for this flight and see who worked? Check a camera to see if someone left with any extra wares that evening? Maybe have the person on the phone patch me through to who they said they would instead of the number I called?

I’m sure this situation has happened many other times with many more people with much more expensive things. I have no doubt United has many canned policies on “We don’t cover that for this reason” type of situations. I truly hope my belief isn’t the case.

I am sending this Customer Relations Complaint now, and plan on having the corresponding “Missing Property Questionnaire” filled out tomorrow morning. Please forward this to the proper personnel for dealing with this situation.

Please contact me as soon as possible regarding this manner.

PS- I also suggest you extend the “Session Timeout” values on this form.  Anyone who is going to be sending you detailed information as you ask for is bound to click “Continue” and be met with a blank “Session Timeout” message to see their passionate praise/woes erased before them.  Lucky for me, I copied this for record.  Just a suggestion.

PS- I also suggest you extend the “Session Timeout” values on this form.  Anyone who is going to be sending you detailed information as you ask for is bound to click “Continue” and be met with a blank “Session Timeout” message to see their passionate praise/woes erased before them.  Lucky for me, I copied this for record.  Just a suggestion.

So, after reading numerous Pollen books, as well as “Real Food” by Nina Planck… It’s obvious that food choices need to be evaluated and scrutinized to a new degree- above and beyond your calorie count, carb intake, and sodium index.

The problem with the bulk of food in America is that, well, we eat shit. We consume, essentially, byproducts of genetically engineered and modified crops with just about anything thats easily accessible to eat. There isn’t any real way around it, unfortunately. The markets are flooded with this drek. It’s done in such mass right now, you have to really, really try hard to avoid it when you can- if you choose to that is.

I won’t go into the reasons I try to avoid mass produced byproduct crafts foodstuffs; but let it be known there are many correlations to the way our government feeds us in America, and the increasing health diseases that practically didn’t exist before these practices went into play. All that aside…

Real food simply tastes better. Plain and simple. I can taste that I’m eating shitty food when I do, and I can taste when I’m eating good food.

This brings us to food and diet, dosent it?

Protein, vegetation, and starch. That’s what should be on your plate, yes?
Increasingly more and more after I read and research how my staple proteins get to me, I simply don’t want them. The way cattle, chicken, and most commonly available meats are raised and mass produced, the way they are fed, what they are fed… all of these things just make me not want to eat it anymore.

I take pride in procuring nothing but the freshest, quality vegetation I can find for my consumption, as well as trying to make as much of the food I consume by hand, rather than with premade drek. This isn’t just a point of pride, this is seemigly evolving into a lifestyle decision.

After living life this for the past few years and having the knowledge I now have on meats and how they are raised and brought to me- I simply do not have a desire for them to be a staple. Don’t get me wrong- I love me some dead animal flesh- but now I am seemingly evolving into a form of “Meat Snob” where I’m limiting my consumption based upon the meats origins and methods of production. I don’t want to purchase meats from the supermarket anymore. I don’t want to consume the mass produced shit being fed to me.

I’ve been straying away more and more from the beef and chicken options available to me, opting for vegetables or something else, something real. Look, I know I’ll be eating a burger again sometime and some chicken in one way or another… and thats fine. I’m just trying to not consume as much as I usually do, I no longer want it to be a “staple”.

Thinking about this makes me want to go to Marlow&Daughters and buy out the shop.

With this recent decision, it would seem in the same step, I’ve become a bigger fan of vegetables than I even once previously were. I mean, if I’m looking for natural and real food, vegetables are truly the way to go. Regardless of vast pesticides being used on industrial crops and genetically modified vegetation, for the most part, what I’m consuming is still grown via sunlight. I haven’t seen the suns rays tainted yet by technology or man yet, so, I’m game.

I don’t think I could ever be a vegetarian… I mean, they don’t eat bacon, right?

Regardless, I think the decision to bring vegetation and plants to a higher level should be looked at and examined by anyone who wants to be truly healthy- its that simple. Also, let’s not forget, plants can be damn tasty too…

Lots of food , brewing, and musical adventures coming soon. Just synced my webpage editor to my iPhone… so expect more updates.

Lucky you.

Link to Asbury Park Press Article : Billy Vegas Shits On Local Ice Cream Fest

Yea… so… I went to the Toms River Ice Cream Festival to check out the scene, taste some great local Ice Creams, and see how it goes. Apparently, by going to this, you get to vote on “Fan Favorite” National and “Fan Favorite” Local Ice Cream – not the Vanilla competition. Apparently that’s done behind closed doors because the public isn’t privileged enough to sample pure Ice Cream.

I’ll keep it short. This festival had alot of local ice cream outlets and, for the most part, they all sucked. How do you give out samples of Ice Cream to have people judge you on, that is saturated with candy bar bits? Have some self respect and put out a pure Ice Cream. Vanilla, Chocolate, anything. Not “Butterfinger Pretzel Penut Butter Smore Snickers Caramel Chip Ice Cream”. I can’t judge you’re Ice Cream when all I can taste is candy.

The reporter for the above article asked me what I thought of the festival and one creamery in particular. I was brutally honest, and was more assaulting and vulgar than what made the paper, but that’s not surprising. Out of all the Ice Creams I tried, only two were good. One was Maggie Moo’s Chocolate Better Batter, which essentially tasted like frozen chocolate cake batter. For a National flavor, this was the best.

For Local flavors, the best was Mint Chocolate Chip from Millstone River Creamery. It wasn’t your typical green mint chocolate chip. This was more like Mint Tea Ice Cream, and was white, not green. Like biting into some fresh mint. It was a refreshing break from the rest of the drek. And after talking to them a bit, knowing they seem to have more passion and care for the ingredients they use, I have to respect that. These guys are at the Red Bank Farmers Market most Sundays too… and sell their wares there. Great stuff, highly recommended. Try the Toasted Coconut and/or Cheesecake.

So, again, Toms River, get your competition straight and lets make this a legit competition, not a frozen candy bar contest. Apparently they have a Vanilla competition, but its done behind closed doors with a select judging panel. Why do elusive judges get to judge the vanilla, and not the public? Weak sauce.

Well, after Season 1 ended, I decided to chop up the cable bill to save a few bucks and chopped out my HBO.  Well, now with Season 2 of Flight of the Conchords going strong, and the new show East Bound and Down… I felt the need to seek out these shows and watch.

I was concerned with the new season of Conchords, as the previous season was essentially shows made from content they have tried and tested and brought around the world already.  Season 2 needed them to go and create new material and make it happen.  Again.  After watching FOTC Season 2 so far, I couldn’t be happier.  They kept the show as smart as it was, perhaps smarter now, and the songs are killer.

East Bound and Down, a completely different show, I fell is also making it happen.  Make sure to watch the pilot episode followed immediately by episode 2 to get a sense of the show.  The Pilot/Episode 1 is essentially a movie crammed into a 30 minute spot- highlighting the history of Kenny Powers, ex-professional baseball pitcher who seemingly is down and out on his luck.  He’s lost his throw, still thinks he’s a rock star pitcher, and lives with his brother and is a substitute gym teacher.  Ta-boot, his coworker is a old high-school girlfriend who he still wants, and he has an affinity for abusing drugs- before and after dealing with his class- which of course- leads to humor.  Add Will Ferrel in there for good measure, and the show- so far- is pretty damn entertaining.  Depressing at times, sure.  Cringe Fest at times, absolutely.  yet still entertaining.  Below should sum up why you should watch.

Throughout my weekend travels, I made it a point to visit Corrado’s Market, which if you’ve never been, is a fantastical multi-shop Market.  The Corrado family must have shown up in Clifton, NJ when it was being formed and bought them out of real estate- because everything from the town Trattoria to the Gas Station is “Corrado’s” something or other.  In the essence of time, I only could go visit their cornerstone Market, which is the equivelant of a uber-supermarket, and visit their Beer and Wine making warehouse, to pick up a few items for my future beermaking prospects.

At Corrado’s Market however, I insisted I was only there to gander, and ipck up perhaps one or two special things if they were indeed special.  And, yes, I found them.  Allow me to get you hip to the new foodstuffs in ym pad that I’ll be experimenting with in the near future.

Water Coconut

Apparantly, this is just a very young Coconut right off the tree, but it looks nothing like a coconut.  What to do with this, I’m not sure.  It’s gonna take some research.

Malanga

This thing looks like a Yuca and a Potato had sex and had a kid with severe chromosome issues.  Apparantly, grown in tropical climates, this this is used like any other starch. Apparantly big in Latin America… I’ll have to research this as well to see that the hell to do with it.

Tuemeric

Of course I’ve heard of Turmeric- but who has it fresh for sale?  This shit looks like baby ginger/some kind of worm.  I’ve sliced it open and tried it- its like a ginger/lemoingrass type thing.  Tasty- and stains absolutely EVERYTHING it touches.  I have a idea for this thing however…

Thats about it…I got some breads and other goodness such as their Pancetta- But Corrado’s is a great market.  Go there.

Look, Bush fucked shit up. 

We get it. 

No One likes him.  Anywhere.

We get it. 

But when everyone blames him for everything wrong with the country, you’re just as stupid as he is if you believe that.  There’s three branches of government that all work together, so I suggest you research how that works and start blaming all of your elected officials, even those who are still sitting in there.

But, that’s not what this is about. It’s about Obama and his speech to America and Congress tonight.

Look, this guy can talk.  For sure.  America loves this guy cause he’s literally the opposite of George Bush.  He’s a tall, black, educated Democrat.  I don’t mind him cause he seems about as genuine as a politician can be, which is minimal, but seems to resemble a human being, and can speak clearly and formulate ideas.  Apparently these are the only things that make me approve of him as a President and not mind him- that alone should be cause for concern.

But after watching this speech, this is all I can gather.

Obama:

Shit’s pretty fucked up out there.  I gave a shitload of money to banks, and I know you’re pissed- but it will help you out, trust me.  Also, since I’m in charge of America now, America wants to kick ass again… so lets try doing that. Not sure how we’re gonna do it, but check it out, I’m not George Bush, so you gotta love me.

America:

YES YES YES WE LOVE YOU

Obama:

While I have this large captive audience of lawmakers, heads of state, all the citizens of America, and the rest of the world… I’d like to tell you a little story about Little Suzy.  Little Suzy can’t see out her window at school cause there’s a train nearby.  Let me tell you about this guy, and this girl, and this person I met here- because you as an American need to feel recognized and my advisers tell me this type of dialogue helps you identify with me.  Man are you guys assholes.

So thats what I get from all this tonight.  More politicians blowing smoke up everyones ass, hitting some great points in a speech to the world, and leading people to cheer for things that sound great, but with no direction or details on how to do any of the things stated. 

Look, I understand the President has to pander to Americans who can’t comprehend anything if it’s not specifically drawn out and told to them like a Fairy Tale before bedtime about Little Suzy and her fucking problems with her desk at school and this and that.  That’s why in his first 5 minutes, he has to talk about how “American Hard Working Families” will see more money in their pockets starting this date and more this and that bla-bla-bla. I get it. 

But how about some meat for Americans who want to know what the shit you plan on doing to actually do all of this?  Tell me how you plan on making America great again, not that you think it will be great again.  Tell me how you plan on getting credit flowing to small business owners again, not that you think it’s a good idea.  Tell me how in the hell you honestly believe spending $750+bln on a “Stimulus Plan” will not put our children into debt for the rest of their lives when they inherit this mess we created.  I’m willing to listen to you.  I’ve given you my ear, and you pissed in it with a feel good speech lacking any depth and detail.

In all honesty, President Obama has the chance to make something serious happen in the next four years, and I really hope he gets shit done and doesnt get stuck in the rut of American Politics.  I wish him and his cabinet all the best.

Do I have a  better plan?  No.  I’m not smart enough to fix this shit.  I was thinking we should have let the banks crumble to the ground and rebuild America from scratch, but that would take too many years and educated people which we don’t have.  If I was President, I would have made my speech tonight very simple.  Not only would I not allow anyone to see my speech before I say it, I would have pyrotechnics installed in the chamber where the address was to take place.  Then, I would have made my way down the aisle like a proper rockstar similar to Obama, and I’d get up on stage for my second introduction, then take the mic and spit hot fire…

“Look America.  Shit’s fucked up.  I know it, you know it.  Wasn’t you, wasn’t me, wasn’t Republicans, wasn’t Democrats.  We all fucked up.  What can we do to fix it?  I have no clue, but I now have an open suggestion box and I’m listening to all of you.  In the meantime, let’s kick mortgage rates down to 4% starting tomorrow for everyone who pays their mortgage like a responsible American citizen, and lets abolish Income Tax while we’re at it.  I believe the more cash in your pocket in these trying times, the better off you are.  I figure we should tax the money you spend, not what you earn.  So yea, America.  That’s how I roll, and I’m looking forward to your suggestions.”

That being said, I’d leave the chamber as one of the most revolutionary leaders America has ever seen. 

So yea.  That’s where I am.  I’m frustrated with politics in this country leading us down roads of uselessness.  I don’t see the current system doing anything beneficial for the citizens of America anymore.  I think we should revert back to the days of John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and Washington- when people who were politicians weren’t career politicians, but workers in their own right, and were elected to office, where they had a connection to the people they are supposed to serve.

I leave you with George Carlin speaking on Education, Politicians, Tyranny, Assholes, and the American Dream.

• who runs out of gas on valentines day celebration night? this guy… #